5 Ways to Get Back to Calm, when Shit Really Hits the Fan

Ever have those days where beating yourself up has reached a new level?

Where for some reason, your self-loathing has reached a new high?

When thoughts pop up on repeat like, How dare you do x, y, z!

Need I remind you of _________? (Insert all the horrible things you’ve ever done.)

And you wonder, WTF is going on?!

If you’re like me, when this happens, you feel completely out of control.

Nothing seems to make you feel better – not even a Netflix binge or aimless shoe shopping on the internet.

If this sounds familiar, you’re totally not alone.

After years of experimenting, here’s what I’ve found to actually make me feel better.

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On super-crappy days, taking care of you must be top priority.


It’s your job, ahem – not someone else’s – to take all the time you need to experiment with your version of a grown-ass-woman-self-care-kit, so you can find what actually makes you feel better, versus what makes you look better or sound cool.

Even if it means canceling your plans to do so.

Because let’s be honest, showing up to a work party or brunch with the in-laws in this state isn’t gonna go very well!


Here are 5 things you can try that have serious feel-better power:

 Hiking in Cherokee Park with my pup is my happy place

Hiking in Cherokee Park with my pup is my happy place

  1. Get in the woods, or your happy place. Like NOW.

    Whether it’s playing with your pup or daughter, hittin’ a museum, going to see a silly movie, or reading a novel that has nothing to do with business, for god’s sake, get to your happy place and try to enjoy yourself.

    It may take some effort to be present at first, but you will start to calm down and enjoy yourself.

    BONUS POINTS if it includes cardio exercise, which is a solid and trusted mood booster. I’ve never heard someone say they regretted exercise. Have you?

  2. Write it out.

    Overwhelm and frustration are usually caused by too many thoughts in the brain with no place to go.

    Do a huge brain dump and get all of the thoughts – positive and negative – out of your system.

    750 words is a great online platform for non-sexy writing and brain dumping. The idea is to keep writing until you reach 750 words without pause or editing.

    If you’re like me, by the end, you’ll uncover what’s really bothering you and have moved into a state of gratitude. Powerful stuff!

    The best part is, it’s for your eyes only, so no need to do it perfectly.

  3. Sit quietly for 15 minutes.

    You can’t argue with the thousands of benefits of meditation. Sit in a comfy space where you won’t be interrupted. Focus on your breath and practice letting those negative thoughts float away like clouds passing by.

  4. Listen to a YouTube video that soothes you.

    On crappy days, I like listening to something by Abraham-Hicks or putting in my headphones and letting this type of music play for hours, whose frequencies heal on a deeper level.

    For a deeper dive on frequencies, read this.

  5. EFT: Tap it out.

    My therapist introduced this method over 5 years ago but I was re-introduced to it by Denise Duffield-Thomas in her Lucky Bitch Bootcamp. As weird as it feels and sounds when you first try it, that shit works.

    Brad Yates, an EFT expert for decades, has one video that looks like he recorded it in the early stages of the internet, but MAN, it’s powerful.

    I felt such a sense of calm at the end. It’s less than ten minutes, people. Try it out and decide for yourself.


Then, track how each activity actually makes you feel.

A simple before and after on a scale of 1 to 10 should do.


Mindset tip:

You’re here to learn, so find works best for you by treating your findings like a like a non-judgmental experiment. Negative self-talk is not welcome to this party.


Being a super independent introvert, I find comfort knowing I can take care of myself on days like these.

BUT, talking it out with someone is always a great healer too, so don’t be shy.

Reach out to a trusted friend, a therapist or coach and tell them exactly what you need.

I’m curious, on days like these, what have you found to be helpful? Please comment below.